What's Up?

I always say I'm going to write more often then I end up waiting months before writing again...

Well a whole hell of a lot has happened since I last wrote...I've hit my rock bottom and because of it spent 6 weeks in intensive therapy. I'm also sober for a month now.

Things are for sure looking up for me, I just hope I can keep going up. And maybe one day I can help someone else too. I wish I could help more now but I don't know how to.

Is there anyone following this that knows?

I'm baaack!!!!!

I haven't been blogging much lately, or writing either. But I need to. My emotions have been insane and my life changing all the time. So it's official, I'm back again everyone, and this time I'll be staying around. Even if you don't like what I have to say. Because guess what - I say what I want when I want for a reason, someone has to and I'm not scared. I may hurt feelings but I'll be honest, I'm not out to be mean and hurtful on purpose and I won't call anyone out by name. So take what I say or leave it - just remember one thing, everything I say will be true. Although I am hoping to pick up a few more readers and followers...!!!

Talk soon <3

Workin hard

So many new and exciting things!!!! I finally got away from Hyatt Place. Yeah I enjoyed my time there but it was tie for me to move on. And I got lucky!!! I had two interviews that day, one at Crowne Plaza for Assistant Executive Housekeeper, the other at Courtyard for Executive Housekeeper. The Asst one went well, but I figured out quick it wasn't what I wanted at all! Then at Courtyard the GM in mid interview asked me if he could interview me for AGM. Of course I said yes! And it went great! I had barely made it home before they called me for a second interview. It made me nervous doing a phone interview but apparently it went well because they offered me a job in less than a week!!! It has been amazing! I got so lucky! I mean I went from a housekeeping supervisor to an assistant manager! Talk about a move up! I've been doing my new job for almost three months now and it's still wonderful! I just can't believe how lucky I've gotten! Makes me smile all the time and I like going to work again!

Changes

Things change daily...sometimes when we least expect, but others exactly when we want them to.

Changes have been good and changes have been bad... Some good ones are that I'm finally losing some of the weight I have gained, so far I've been able to lose 10 pounds. I still want to lose more though. I have learned to open up more, with a therapist and with my husband. Opening up has been good for me and has made me a much happier person. For the bad, only 3 weeks ago Papaw Byers passsed away. This was a hard moment for myself but very much for Brett. This is the first grandparent he has lost and it killed me to see him so upset. All of this pain and heartache brought back so many memories and nightmares for me. I wake up several nights scared. Scared because of other people that hurt me, snakes coming after me , and of being alone. My darling husband has been very understanding and is a constant reminder that I'm not alone and he will do everything he can to keep me safe. Especially from people that would want to hurt me.

These changes have affected me in several different ways. I get to a point where I think I am okay and then BAM something else comes up and its not okay anymore.  I'm hoping that as time goes on still all the pain will get easier and the changes more bearable, or more for the good.

New Years Resolutions

Every year at the start of the year people start out thinking they are going to change things about themselves or set new goals for that year. This year is the first year I haven't set any resolutions. I set a resolution before the year ended, I said I wouldn't drink any more soft drinks and I would lose some weight. As of December 1st I haven't had a soft drink and very little caffeine filled drinks, only when I go out to eat will I get an unsweetened tea. Even good old sweet tea has to much sugar for me now and I crave less chocolate and sugary sweets too. But not only have I been drinking water like there's no tomorrow and liking it, it has made me feel much much better. Since I was able to give up soft drinks I was able to start eating protein meal bars at lunch to help lose weight too. So I've begun the Special K diet. On the Special K diet your supposed to lose 6 pounds a month, well in my first month I lost 7.5 pounds! I was so proud of myself! And I'm hoping that I can keep up the good work and maintain what I've been doing. It's all worth it and will definitely be all worth it when I reach the weight I want to be at again and I am feeling so much better!

My favorite song!

I like this song so much I just want to post the lyrics!! It's a very sweet and touching love song!! When I hear this song I get goosebumps and butterfly's in my stomach because it always makes me think of my husband. It truly touches me, to the point I almost cry. Wonderful song.


A THOUSAND YEARS
Christina Perri


Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I’m afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed that I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more

Shedding

I have finally decided that I do want to shed a few of these extra pounds I've gained. Don't get me wrong, I don't enjoy the fact that I have gained them in the first place. Many that know me will laugh and say your already skinny, well this 135 pound girl doesn't like being this weight. I may not be 'big' but it's how I feel, I've always been little; usually between 105 and 115, and those weights are comfortable for me and I feel good.

Being 135 makes me sad and sleepy, and when I'm not sleepy I'm wanting to eat more because I have reached the point that I just don't care anymore. But with things that are happening and changing in my life I have to make changes or I am going to continue to gain weight. Ever since I first got sick in July with Pleurisy I have been on steroids to help me breathe and now being diagnosed with arthritis in my chest wall I am probably always going to be on steroids. It's just a fact of my life now.

So, with all of this happening and me gaining 20 pounds in the last 4 months I have decided to set myself some goals, or some might say boundaries. First I am cutting out most of my sugar intake. I drink several soft drinks, sweetened coffees and juices/kool-aids a day. I intend to cut down to one sweetened drink a day. I think this is do-able for me and not as drastic as cutting them out completely. My second thing is that I don't want to eat anything after 9pm. I say this with a condition, I am afraid I will have trouble with this seeing how at times we eat late suppers. My condition is that if I do eat after 9pm I eat something healthy; a fresh salad, vegetables, fruits, etc... The last thing is that none of this will work if I am not doing any exercising, since I have access to stairs at work I intend to use them more often for going up and coming down. And walking at home on my days off. In the mornings and evenings I will start off doing 10-20 crunches.

Most of my gained weight is in my mid section or thighs and I feel confident if I stick to these exercise habits and eating/drinking habits I will be able to gradually loose weight and teach myself to take better care of my body. I am not doing this for anyone but myself. Being 135 depresses me, as silly as it may sound, and for my size it's now over-weight. 130 is the high-end for my build so holding at 130 is my first goal and going down from there.

I will be keeping track of my progress via journal and here (blogging) including weight (even if I gain instead of loose).

So wish me luck and any more tips or advice is MUCH appreciated!